Ians Commemorate Ball Tampering Anniversary with Incendiary Claims

Far beyond its expiration date, the meme of attaching “gate” to any sort of scandal should be banned from the lexicon.

Unless the scandal involves someone neglecting to close a gate on Bill Gates’ estate and the scandal can be referred to as “Bill Gates’ gate.”

The South African cricket scandal called Sandpaper Gate lingers and in all probability will never go away. Generations to follow will learn about it on their smart phones, or their virtual assistants will fill them in. Maybe a robot assistant will have a detailed file on the time some Aussie cricket players got caught rubbing the ball the wrong way with a piece of sandpaper.

By some future time, all knowledge will be transmitted by sticking your head in the cloud and taking a deep breath.

Now, word reaches us that South Africa was not the first time Australia tampered with the ball during the course of Test cricket.

Accusations are surfacing and it apparently helps when leveling those accusations if your first name is Ian, as in cricket expert Ian Healy and former Australian captain Ian Chappell. Another former captain, Mark Taylor, weighed in, but his opinion lacks the authority, unless his middle name is Ian.

Then you have former Cricket Australia integrity chief Iain Roy.

Collectively, then, we can allude to the current uproar as “Ian Gate.”

The three gentlemen have expressed concern that the CA Integrity unit probe was limited in scope, focusing on just the day three incident. There were apparently some members of the touring party who were not interrogated and nothing was mentioned about the first two Test matches.

Taylor made a comment to the effect, “Was this the first time? There’s no doubt this ‘ball management’ has been going on for a long time, and I dare say every country is either doing it or working out how to do it, but there’s a line somewhere between ball management and ball tampering.”

Welcome back, Steve Smith and David Warner. Happy anniversary.