FIFA Unable to Secure Services of Cold Play for WC Opening Ceremony

We are not in a position to pass judgement, but unlike Robbie Williams, our boyhood dreams had nothing to do with performing at the World Cup opening ceremony. Yet, Williams was quoted using those exact words to describe the joy he felt over getting the gig.

Russia may have had collective dreams about doing impolitic things to Williams, as they resented the suggestion that Russians know how to party.

When we have been told we know how to party, we always viewed it as a compliment, regardless of who was delivering the message or the tone of voice involved, so we decided to give the song a listen, in order to figure out what was what.

Two things emerged from the music video we so easily found on YouTube, and we did make it through the entire three minutes and 18 seconds, although after the first 18 seconds, we had heard everything.

First, how Williams came to be a star of any sort, let alone a star of the pop variety, completely eluded us.

Second, Mr. Williams, we would appreciate the prompt return of our kitchen curtains.

All the same, Williams has the gig to perform alongside Russian soprano Aida (seriously?) Garifullina before the kickoff of the Russia v Saudi Arabia game that will launch FIFA World Cup 2018 Finals.

Will Garifullina return the homage and sing a song titled, “Party Like a Pom”?

The music video could feature a cameo by Keith Richards doing a Vladimir Putin impersonation, riding a horse while bare-chested to advertise his virility.

Williams also promised it would be “an unforgettable show,” but even those with the best of memories will forget as soon as foot first touches ball and 22 players, as well as those from the other 30 teams taking part, realise their boyhood dreams of playing World Cup Finals.

For the record, our boyhood dreams centred on another topic completely, one which had more to do with girlhood.